3/21/2018 I’m still here on the farm almost have made it 2 weeks, Friday we have an AA meeting even though I know I’m not an alcoholic more like a potaholic. I met with my therapist yesterday, it was a good meeting I actually got a lot off my chest, the fact that I used to struggle with my sexual identity at one point during my drug use I considered being transgendered, but now that I’m sober I like who I am as a man. I have a hard time keeping all this bundled up inside. During my sexcapades I did get to try a strap on it was one of my biggest fantasies, I tried with a woman I fell in love with while working at the Hampton Inn. Her name was Jaimieliz, I reminisce about her, and we were about “that life” staying high every day to numb that fact of our dull jobs. I miss her tremendously, however I don’t miss her mind game. It’s like she had power over me, I don’t know what it was my bipolar, or due to the fact that she always had to be high. I don’t know.
Today we are still burning logs, in preparation for a third nor’easter we are suppose to get. Almost time to get to work, so time to sign off. Well we only worked until about 15:30, it’s still a lot of work here on the farm. The easiest thing I do is take care of the animals. The snow accumulation is low which is good. Journaling on a tablet is tough, but hopefully I have my website up and running pretty soon so I can actively interact with my friends and they can learn what it’s like. I can’t believe I’m an addict and homeless.