I was reading the beginning sentence of my blog from 2 weeks ago and it said, my prayers go out to you…and… something along the lines of that. That’s all I saw. It got me thinking, I need prayers to go out to myself.
Side note: I need punctuality in my life. If not punctuality then consistency. ( I’m a day late AGAAIINN on my blog!!!)
Would you like the good news or bad news first: Good News; The Every Rebel brand is growing in all different directions. (If you really would like to know why I’m tickled pink is; my email and website integrated perfectly. All Every Rebel contact information is still the same.
We will be printing our own shirts here within the next week with our new acquisition of a silk screening kit. Keep on a lookout for as they will be for sale. Also we will need to upgrade to a silk-screening station, all donors are welcome.
Alright time to get the to grit of it all… the anticipation… the what’s the matter Andre moment…? The Bad News. I relapsed! After just about 19months sober. I couldn’t believe it. I loved EVERY Minute of sobriety! So here’s the story if you want to hear it. It all started A month ago. Yes I’ve been holding this information from you, for a month. I went to a club 4 weeks ago. It was a new community LGBTQ welcoming community. Some crossdressers. Some wear theatrical attire, dance and have fun! I went, and no I did not dress for the night. I went there looking like a rent-a-dad lol. I wanted to let my shoulders down so bad to get to know these people and I couldn’t. I did not drink! However in Massachusetts now when you go out for a cigarette, everyones out there smoking weed instead. The Girlfriend and my Terrible Ex! Ms. Mary Jane! As you probably know Marijuana and I have this love to hate, hate to love relationship. I’m hoping to nip this obstacle in the butt quick. With Every Rebel we do not preach sobriety, it does help, but that’s not what we do. We promote a Healthy Mental health lifestyle. Smoking, nahhh not too healthy. And if your reading and you’re still sober DO NOT risk it. In other words don’t put your guard down to have other people like you. As bad as that sounds.
I’m doing something about it though. That’s my pat on the back. I’m telling my doctors, therapist, and case managers. I am Really really hard on myself most of the time. If you couldn’t tell by my punctuality comment at the begging of this blog; I am. Hey no one was easy on me growing up. Why should I lower a standard, if anything set that standard.
I’ve taken a new liking to nature, one that I have never experienced before. Yeah, I’ve always hiked in the woods, or have been out in the wilderness with the Army but this was different. This morning I prayed in the woods. I felt so connected. Unless I thought an acorn was going to fall on my head. That wakes you up at 5:45 am. It was a beautiful fall morning, 50ish degrees, everything was wet of the ground. You could feel the morning dew in the air. This is my new higher power
I’ve gotten myself a bow and arrow, with efforts to comfort my soul of providing and eating with family. Umm as I’ve noticed, I can’t take any days off. For, I literally have to be doing something every day. With that being said; I’ll also announce that I have gotten myself a gym pass to work out anxieties, and worry.
Heyyy I almost forgot, A lot has happened in 15 days’ time. I was trying meds and talking about alpha stim last time. Alpha Stim did not work out so well, at first I couldn’t feel it at 2 and at 3 I felt like I was going to throw up. I did however go on a new medication Vraylar (Cariprazine). We’ll see how it goes. However, I’ve bought three packs of cigarettes in the past 3 weeks. And I am upset about that.
One day at a time. Keep coming. I need a meeting.